Low major head coach announces team will play normal style of basketball for March madness in 2025

SOME TOWN YOU WOULD HAVE NEVER EVER HEARD OF IN A MILLION TRILLION YEARS IF THEY DIDNT HAVE A 14 SEED IN 2013 - Shockwaves are being felt throughout the college basketball world as head coach of Buttfuck State University announces that they will play a normal style of the game of hoops for the upcoming national tournament.

“We won’t push tempo and shoot 60 threes a game. We won’t hold the ball for 29 seconds every possession. We won’t even play a quirky zone on defense or have a player who looks like he could be an extra in The Last Waltz that torches an emotionally unstable high major program. We’re just going to play ball.”

With pundits immediately writing the team off, some fans of low major hoops went even further.

“This isn’t what I signed up for.” Said low major hoops superfan Sam Federman. “We all thought it might be NIL or the transfer portal or Jay Bilas’ ego that would ruin the sport of college basketball, but this…this might just be it for me.”