Fran McCaffery Announces Thousand-Year plan to breed the “iowisatz hawkerach” that will finally lead team to sweet sixteen

Written By Jono Seif

IOWA CITY—

In a press conference earlier today head coach of the Iowa Hawkeyes Fran McCaffery announced his millennia-spanning plan of breeding the perfect basketball player to finally lead his program to the holy land- a Sweet Sixteen berth.

Coach McCaffery claims the idea came to him after reading through Frank Herberts’ Dune, Dune: Messiah, and Children Of Dune back in March to keep himself productive after missing yet another the NCAA tournament. “It’s amazing the level of detail [Herbert] goes into with his storytelling. I was enamored by his intricate prose,” explained the coach.

While some speculate Fran hopes to leverage his oldest son’s relationship with WNBA Rookie Superstar Caitlin Clark to jumpstart this ambitious endeavor, no official statement has been made to confirm or dispel these rumors.

Jono Seif
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