🚨WOJ BOMB 🚨 Ooooh you want to commit to st. bonaventure sooooo baaad

ALLEGANY—

Adrian takes out a pocket watch and begins to swing it to and fro, “You feel yourself getting very sleepy, and you want to follow my every command.” He continues, “You want to open your notes app and paste in a poorly-worded statement you generated using ChatGPT announcing your decommitment to The University of Duke. Now you want to message Joe Tipton on Twitter and ask for him to make you a graphic for your commitment to Our Bonnies.”