Bart Torvik Rankings conclude pepsi is better than coke

THUNDERDOME—

Popular college basketball analytics guru Bart Torvik shocked the hoops world today when he release a model that, yes: ranks Pepsi over Coke in the hierarchy of soft drinks.

“People always think Pepsi is second best or inferior just because everybody in the world knows Coke and drinks Coke all the time.” Explained Torvik, growing increasingly frustrated.

“I’m sure if you came out with Pepsi before coke then the committee would be using Pepsi to justify leaving out bubble teams, but no, it’s always coke that gets to make that call. Is Coke’s model that much better than mine? Is it just coasting off of the name after all these years? Well, now I have a model to prove that Pepsi is hands down the more reliable option.”

Neither the Coca-Cola Corporation nor Ken Pomeroy could be reached for comment.